As much as I want to deny it, this past season has been rough for me. A battle. Scratching and clawing just to pull together a day’s worth of work that is “acceptable” in my eyes. I became focused on accomplishing what I had fabricated as an expectation for my life.

The flaw in my thinking flowed from the heart of my service. I was serving out of obligation to the world and those around me. Admirable pursuits, yes, but not suitable substitutes for a love-bound obligation to Jesus. On the surface that seemed okay with me, but I was doing my best to love the people around me and pursue some form of piety. I was shook by the simple reminder that my best is a pathetic effort.

An effort that leaves my resources depleted. Like an engine running the same oil over and again, my drive was labored and inefficient. I am in dire need of new oil. Pure oil. Designed specifically to ensure that I move with ease and grace. Bad oil makes the engine run hostile, wearing on every part of the car. I had been running long past the “change oil” light came on. Letting someone inspect the damage meant coming to grips with the abuse being done and realizing what it will take to be repaired.

Enter the Prince of Peace.

No fear can be seen when looking into the eyes of the Prince of Peace. No move, however slight, will be met with disdain. The spirit empowers me to trust the mechanic’s hands and in the process. No one will repair me with this measure of diligence, of detail, and of care but you Jesus.

My only response is to happily pay whatever is required for the repairs You make.

I cannot ask you to pay, all of my service comes prepaid. No deductible. No fees. No debt. Although, if you would like to avoid this kind of damage in the future.. give your life to me to care for everyday. Not just when the warning light comes on.

To be longed for so earnestly has an incredible draw. No part of me has reserves about being given over to Jesus. How can I lack confidence in my mechanic when he is also my manufacturer. I have no doubt in his competence. I will depart and return from every trip with complete faith. His hands are steady, his instinct is perfect. His attention to detail, relentless. I will meditate on his truths while he rebuilds and renews me.

He reveals to me while he works that fresh oil can always be found in his words. 

Keep My Word on your lips, it is supremely sufficient. 

“He is the divine portrait, the true likeness of the invisible God, and the first-born heir of all creation. For through the Son everything was created, both in the heavenly realm and on the earth, all that is seen and all that is unseen. Every seat of power, realm of government, principality, and authority—it was all created through him and for his purpose! He existed before anything was made, and now everything finds completion in him.

He is the Head of his body, which is the church. And since he is the beginning and the firstborn heir in resurrection, he is the most exalted One, holding first place in everything. For God is satisfied to have all his fullness dwelling in Christ. And by the blood of his cross, everything in heaven and earth is brought back to himself—back to its original intent, restored to innocence again.” –Colossians 1:15-20

-Matty