Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
Psalm 139:7-10 (NIV)
Loving, personal, joyful Father. Logic begins and ends within the infinitude of your being. You are beyond the far reaches of my created mind, yet you dwell in the depths of my nurtured heart. How can I reconcile the paradox of your nature?
The one whose love and peace surpass understanding has chosen to make his heart known to his beloved children. How can I know you, Lord? How can I grasp even the slightest understanding of the Spirit of the Resurrection? You have leveled cities, condemned nations, healed the masses, and died for the salvation of the world! Yet, you take a moment, an eternal pause, to whisper your love into my soul.
I am so undeserving of your desire to be with me, yet you call me your worthy child. Unblemished. Pure. I’m torn between the reality that is being forced upon me by the world, and the paradise of your Presence. Ever inviting, uncompromising, terrifying, and unbearably pure. How can I ever see myself the way you insist you see me, and still embrace the humility you have called me to? You are beyond me and fully within me. You see me perfectly and you call me higher. Your presence terrifies me. It convicts me. It overpowers me. All at once, it forces me to see who I am not and invites me to be who I am. Your presence is Peace, Love, and Joy. It’s a chaotic storm, and a raging, all consuming fire. And then, it’s a soft breeze and a gentle whisper. You are the Lion and the Lamb. I only know what you give me the grace to know. You are the Infinite Truth.
It’s so easy for me to feel overwhelmed by the suffocating darkness of the world. I feel corrupted and defeated. Broken. Hopeless. Yet, just a spark of your light secures my victory. Just a drop of your love, your crimson blood, cleanses me to my core. How can the Lord of all creation be the most personal and intimate friend? I don’t know. I know it’s true, but I can never fully understand why. Because the answer is He is Jesus. And Jesus is infinitely God. He is the beginning and the end, and He has no beginning nor end. The second God fits inside the logic and understanding of my mind is the second He ceases to be God. The Alpha and Omega. The Great Creator. The King of Kings. The Gentle Lamb, and the Wild Lion. He cannot be contained.