One of the biggest questions that has come up throughout my life, whether I chose to admit it or not, was this question “Is Jesus really enough?” Throughout my life I would always hear people say things like “Jesus is the answer!” or “Let go and let God!” When I would be struggling in life people would always ask, “Hey have you brought it to the Lord?” They would also say, “Just give it all to Jesus and He’ll take care of it!” These became the quick and easy answers I would try to slap on all of my problems hoping that would be enough to fix it. Nothing ever seemed to change, in fact most of the time everything would tend to get worse. Some of the things I would think to myself were “Well maybe just saying those things isn’t enough? I guess I should probably try to put action to my words, but what in the heck does giving it all to Jesus really mean? What does letting go and letting God look like? If Jesus really is the answer then how do I bring Jesus into all of my problems in life?”

Throughout this time my heart felt genuine. I truly wanted to “choose Jesus” but I had no idea what that even looked like. The struggles of life kept piling up. I tried spending time with Jesus, but every time it felt like nothing was happening and that I was just wasting my time. It felt pointless. The emptiness inside of me was still there. So many questions would continue to race through my head. Questions like: Is Jesus really enough? I really am trying this whole Jesus thing but I don’t feel like anything is happening. I don’t even know what is supposed to happen! Is he supposed to come down from heaven on a chariot and touch me with His magic Holy Spirit wand and then poof! All my problems will go away? Is there something missing? Is Jesus only part of the answer? Is He just a piece of the pie? What I was being told and what I was experiencing just wasn’t matching up. Are people saying that Jesus is enough just because they were also told that? I have spent most of my life wrestling with those questions and never seemed to find an answer. It felt like that trying to find out if Jesus really is enough was what it looked like to live the Christian life. “Is this really what living the Christian life is all about?” I wondered. This began to bring so much misery and hopelessness into my life. What am I doing? Have I just wasted years of my life searching for something that’s not even real?

On the outside I would smile and say all the “right things”, telling everyone how wonderful it is to live my life for Jesus. Anytime pain or struggle would come my way I would fall into a routine of lip service. I would slap on a verse from the Bible or some message I heard at church over my very real issues in life and then act as if everything was ok. I would think, “Hey that’s what it looks like to choose Jesus! All my problems should be solved now, right?” This pattern went on in my life over and over again. The pain and struggles of life never went away. In fact, they only got worse. It didn’t matter how many Christian band-aids I put on my problems. These empty words would never relieve the pain and hurt that continued to build up in my life. At this point it felt like what “choosing Jesus” really looked like was grabbing all of my problems in life and sweeping them under the rug. To me that was what living the “Christian life” looked like. Being a Christian became this journey of denial, never addressing the real issues in my life but shoving them deep down inside me so that nobody would notice what was really going on.

At this point I was ready to answer the question: Is Jesus really enough? “Heck no He’s not enough! I have been choosing Jesus this whole time and I am worse off than when I started!” was my answer. This was when I finally hit my breaking point. I was done with this “wonderful Christian life” that we are all so blessed to live. One day as I was sitting in a church service, they sang a song about God’s goodness and it was in that moment that I snapped! I began to have some choice words with the Lord. All of the pain and hurt in my life that I had been suppressing for all these years came shooting up to the surface in all of its ugliness. I was so angry and disappointed! I felt betrayed. I felt like a complete idiot for wasting all of my life for something that was just one big sham. How was I so stupid?! I spent that following week alone in my room letting years worth of pain and frustration out on God. I was done with this Christian life I was living. By the end of the week I had let God hear it all! I was done with Him and ready to move on.

It was in that moment I heard Him ask me a simple question. “Luke, do you want to know how I think about you?” This one question has forever changed my entire life. At that very moment I unknowingly left my “Christian life” and began to build a relationship with Jesus. This changed everything, and it all started simply by hearing what He has to say about me. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, months into years and now years are turning into a lifetime of getting to hear how and what Jesus thinks about me. So, is Jesus really enough? This question that continued to show up in my life has quickly become something of the past. I know my answer. It has settled deep within the very core of who I am. I never would have guessed that all the junk in my life, the pain, the wounds, and the lies I was believing would be taken away and dealt with. I am able to live free from all the misery that was destroying my life. I now know more than ever that I truly live the best life all because of that one day when I decided to stop and hear how God thinks about me.

-Luke-